What happens when becoming a mother and losing your own mother happen within the same chapter of life?
In this episode, we continue our conversation about grief with returning guest Kaili van Waveren, executive director of ThorpeWood and a grief/thanatology professional, alongside friends Liz May and Suzy Fielders, who share their deeply personal experiences of becoming and being mothers while also losing their own moms.
Liz and Suzy talk about the strange collision of joy and grief: raising babies while navigating the loss of the person they might most want to call. We talk about grief brain, postpartum brain, the ways grief can show up unexpectedly, and how different every person’s experience can be.
Kaili helps us unpack the idea of continuing bonds — the ways we maintain relationships with people we’ve lost through traditions, stories, food, music, photographs, birthdays, holidays, and the little things that keep someone present in our lives. We also talk about how to help our children know people they may have barely known — or never had the chance to meet.
And then there’s the other side of grief: how do we show up for someone who’s grieving? We talk about the temptation to fix, the importance of simply bearing witness, why “I know how you feel” usually isn’t helpful, and how sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is simply say, I see you. I’m here.
We also get into death cafés, planning for our own eventual death, wills and advance directives, the myth of the five stages of grief, prolonged grief disorder, grief anniversaries, invisible grief, and why grief doesn’t necessarily disappear — it changes shape.
There are tears. There is laughter. There are Tootsie Pops. There is a children’s book that may someday become a beautiful family legacy. And, naturally, there is some laughter in the lengths a man may go to to avoid doing paperwork: propose marriage.
Because grief is heavy. But love is there, too.
Resources:
- Kaili’s recommended book: The Beginner’s Guide to the End by BJ Miller, M.D. and Shoshana Berger
- Suzy’s article mentioned on the podcast about navigating grief through the lens of love: https://forsythfamilymagazine.com/navigating-grief-with-love-after-a-crushing-loss/
- Part 3 of Suzy’s birth stories series that discusses her mother’s passing and my 3rd daughter’s birth: https://forsythfamilymagazine.com/the-birth-that-taught-me-happiness-my-birth-story-part-3/
- The article Suzy wrote about her miscarriage: https://triadmomsonmain.com/finding-hope-after-a-miscarriage/ and subsequent news story: https://www.wxii12.com/article/winston-salem-mom-shares-pregnancy-infant-awareness-month/37910214#
- Resources for wills, advance directives, and end-of-life planning
- FreeWill: 100% free online estate planning tool. Guides you through a Last Will and Testament, living wills, and powers of attorney in about 20 minutes. Supported by nonprofit partners and requires no credit card or hidden subscription fee
- AARP Foundation partnership with GivingDocs: Provides supporters and members with free access to create an online will and essential estate documents without forcing a charitable gift
- CNBC Select: The Best Online Will-makers of 2026: A list that gives options based on specific needs
- End of Life Planning Tools(American Bar Association Article)
- More information about Death Cafes at deathcafe.com: Death Cafe is a scheduled, non-profit gathering where people drink tea or coffee, eat cake, and have an open, agenda-free conversation about death, dying, and mortality
- Grief support resources from Network for Hope and GriefShare
- Find more about Suzy here.
- Listen to Suzy’s podcast, Twin City Talk, available anywhere you find podcasts.
Recorded in the Such-N-Such Media Studios at Liberty Plaza in downtown Winston-Salem, we are produced by Tim Beeman for Such-N-Such Media. Theme music is by Doug Davis.
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